Yesterday was one of my best friend’s birthday—Chris Cravens. Chris and I were part of the same, tight-knit crew for six years, and had many a great adventure together. Starting in my freshman year of high school, we’d have overnighters with the guys—video games, pizza, movies, late-night Taco Bell runs. We’d talk girls, bathroom humor, and deep philosophy with our buddies Patrick, Will, Steve, Kareem, Matt, Jonathan, and others around the spa. We’d go cruising up some of the main nightlife drags in my hometown. We’d go pull crazy Jackass-style stunts, get ourselves in trouble showing off our cars and street racing, play elaborate capture-the-flag games at 4am, and on and on.
Chris’ birthday, September 17th, is always a very tough day for me because Chris passed away in a motorcycle accident on Father’s Day 2004. He was an extremely talented drummer, a member in two successful bands, he was a daredevil, he was hilarious, he was loved by everyone he met and if you ask anyone he knew they’ll say he brought a big smile to everyone’s face. Thankfully, he lost his life doing one of the things he loved the most. But I lost one of my closest friends—one of my brothers—and his family and all of the people who knew him lost a creative, bright, shining light in their lives.
I’ve known many people who have been in horrible accidents they shouldn’t have walked away from. And unfortunately, I’ve lost two of my absolute best friends by the age of 22—our good friend Kareem Khan died of complications related to a brain tumor less than a year later.
This is why I try my hardest to never do anything half-assed. Nobody knows how long they have. All that’s for sure is that you have a limited amount of time on this planet to do what you want to. Our lifetimes are short, fragile specks in the grand scheme of things, but my philosophy is to strive to make as big an impact as possible.
If you feel love towards someone, let them know.
Make a bucket list, and don’t wait until retirement to do what you want.
Remember to tell your family that you care about them.
Don’t fall out of touch with the friends who were always there for you.
Don’t neglect to thank your mentors, your teachers, and anyone who had the biggest impact on shaping your life.
If you have big dreams, take daily steps toward making them a reality.
There will never be a perfect time for anything. Don’t wait for conditions to be just right. There’s no telling when your number will be up. Stop waiting around. You might not wake up tomorrow, so fuck that noise. Go make a difference while you can, and get the most enjoyment out of your short time here.
Period, that’s it, that’s all I have to say about that.
I’m sorry to hear about Chris. Thinking about this sort of thing really puts me in my place. You can’t help but be humbled by our overall smallness and how little control we really have.
We can’t waste the time we’re given.
Cody,
It sounds like you have been through a lot and I am sorry to hear that. A friend of mind was recently diagnosed with a brain tumor, and it really does put things in to perspective. Thanks for sharing this though, as it serves as a reminder to everyone to live their lives with a purpose!
Sean
Cody, this is very powerful stuff. I’m sorry for you and your friends’ families, for losing such a big part of your lives.
On the other hand, I believe that they have taught you some of the most important lessons ever.
You know how to live. Most people don’t.
Your advice: so true.
You’re a good guy man.
Great advice for anyone, but especially those who can relate to having lost a good friend. You can’t know how long you have, so you may as well live every moment as if it’s your last, just in case.
Also, so to hear about the loss of your friend, Cody. That’s been my philosophy for years – Enjoy life to the max. Some conservative people don’t like me attitude and tell me it’s not right or even irresponsible, however I find myself happier than they are, so I’ll keep on trying to live life with meaning while enjoying myself.
Mode-
I remember both of those days VERY clearly. I remember each of those days feeling very….detatched….and surreal. I remember their impact on you. I remember the disbelief we all had. I remember feeling very helpless; that ultimately, there is only so much a parent can do to protect their son or daughter. I love you son.
Be safe.
-Pop
Just last year a good mate of mine died of rare brain cancer at 28, less than a year after having his first kid. It certainly brings it home, you really do have to chase the things important to you.
Life is damn short! It is important to remind ourselves that the time to live is now. There may not be a tomorrow, so make sure today counts.
I’m sorry that you’ve had to go through so much, Cody. Thanks for sharing your experiences to inspire us all to live life to the fullest each day. We all need a reminder sometimes.
Cody, thank you for your raw insight to something personal, meaningful and real. Death affects us all and the courage it takes to talk about it gives the community the strength to know we can support one another. It is not enough to know we love the people in our lives, we need to let them see how we love them too.
Bless, Caron.
I think the best reminder there Cody is to ‘Take daily steps toward making them a reality.’ That is the toughest thing usually. In my old apartment, I got tired of not focusing on getting my ass over to Australia. So I put a note on the doorway out of my room that say “What are you doing today to be in Australia tomorrow?” It worked. Hopefully someone else can use that same trick.
Dave
LifeExcursion
Cody I am sorry for your hurt. Life is incredibly short. I’m still just a young kid but already I am amazed at how much of my life I have lived in eighteen years. It’s so important to always strive to be thankful and forgiving and adventurous and full of life! As you mentioned you never know when it will be time.
Dear Cody, I’m so sorry to hear about your friend. You are wise beyond the actual years of your age. Your articles continue to inspire me. Though we did not meet in person I’m glad to find you through Twitter and connected with you.
Thank you for sharing.
take care,
aye
Everyday the news shows someone else dies at a young age. It is a constant reminder to me that life is too short and that we need to spend time doing what we love NOW rather than wait to do it later.
I don’t believe there is an afterlife. I believe this is the only time we have and that we need to take full advantage of it.
I don’t want to be another forgotten person in this world. I want to be remembered, build a legacy, and be forever ingrained in the history books.
“Heroes get remembered, but legends never die”
I lost a friend years ago and since then every morning when I wake up I say to myself “I may die today. This might be my last one.” Sounds morbid but puts things in perspective. Life is short but unpredictable – or last day may be tomorrow, in a month, who knows. It’s really what pushes me to fulfill my goals. In that sense death has taught me something very valuable about life.
Thanks for sharing Cody, often doing so allows recovery and will let chris’s great memory live on. Living every day like it’s your last is above and beyond any sort of lifestyle design, it’s just plain good living. Thanks for that reminder to live life to the fullest. Don’t let one day go by without breathing that in.
Hey Cody,
This post was so inspirational, and touching. So sorry about the lost of your friend, but it sounds like he really had an impact on you making every day count. I needed to be reminded that there is no perfect time… thanks for the reminder.
Karen
Heya Cody!
Wow, that’s harsh. Thanks for sharing.
I agree totally with what you say, you can die at any moment, 5 minutes of 50 years from now, who knows. That’s why it is so important to love every second of life, enjoy the sun on your face, follow your heart and do what you must.
I also think it’s good not to be scared of dying. Don’t think about it a lot. I personally fully believe the idea that I will go when it is my time, and it is something I cannot control. That’s why I’m all for living life to the fullest
Respect to your friends.
Cheers
Diggy
Thank you so much to all of my friends, new and old, who have shown your support here. Your reaction to this message was a big help for me to get through this really difficult week, when death struck yet again. But yes, if it can serve as a reminder to make the most of our days and to do everything we can to change people’s lives while they are still here with us, then we have learned a valuable lesson.
@Jun: “Heroes get remembered, but legends never die” That’s great man!
@Diggy: Don’t fear it. Just accept it. “You have to realize that someday you will die. Until you know that you are useless.” Another great Tyler Durden quote.
Cody,
I too lost a friend at a young age. I witnessed my friend pass away right before my very eyes in a jet ski accident. That moment had a profound impact on me and is why I started blogging. I can relate to losing a friend so close. Death is never easy but as you said it is a wake up call to live instead of simply exist.
I wrote a speech on my friends death that can be found here:
http://www.aboundlessworld.com/losing-a-best-friend/
Cody,
So I stopped by your page, and strangely enough I can rally relate to this post. My 24 year old cousin just passed away suddenly on August 29th, 2009 in a similar motorcycle accident. I just finished writing a little about my memories and experience, and what it all means to me. It helped to let it out. So I can relate…
At least for right now, I am trying to make my live the most appropriate response to the reality of death. It’s the only way I have to fight back.
All the best to you man…
Thanks for writing this and reminding us what really matters, Cody.
A month ago a family member died after a long battle with cancer. She was 52 years old and even though some might consider that old enough to have had a full life, we still feel incredibly cheated that she was taken early. Her eldest daughter has a 9 month old baby and for her to miss out on her life is just heart breaking. Her passing really made me appreciate what is important and what is just wasting time. Her husband told us that he regretted working long hours to make money for them to travel in retirement – because now, although he’s incredibly well off financially, he is alone. A mansion, a fancy car and a boat don’t mean jack when the love of your life isn’t there to share it with you. Also, having money didn’t save her life – she still died.
Do what matters today, because tomorrow, it could all be gone.