So as I write this I’m sitting on the beach in Railay Bay, Krabi. My parents came to visit me in Bangkok and I’ve been on a ten-day excursion to the islands in Phuket and Krabi. We are staying on a quiet, isolated beach at West Railay Beach near Ao Nang. It’s about 11PM here, and all that can be heard are the waves gently crashing on the sand and Coldplay playing over the PA system at the nearby “Downtown Railay”—the one late-night bar in this place. The incredible rock formations here remind me of Yosemite National Park, if Yosemite were on the beach. It’s perfect. I shouldn’t have a care in the world.
But somehow I still find myself emotionally hung up on something.
WTF!?
I always find that emotions can really get me in a rut, supplying me with a copious lack of motivation and killing any desire to do work. I came to Thailand nearly three months ago. At that time I was a bit bummed about how my last (albeit short-lived) relationship ended, and frankly part of my motivation for a year of travel was for the escape. I didn’t come to Bangkok with any plans to get involved in another relationship, but for some reason I found myself in one…and then another (both ended rather quickly).
I guess I’m a hopeless romantic! It’s one of the things that annoys me the most about myself: I wish I could just be happy on my own (I love being single, really), but there’s always that desire for romance. You know—always on the lookout for the next future ex-girlfriend!
Anyway, believe it or not, huge cultural and language barriers are NOT a great recipe for a successful relationship! So even though I was trying for escapism when I left for Southeast Asia, here I am carrying around emotional baggage with me instead. You know, when your new girlfriend suddenly stops returning your calls just before Valentine’s Day, it always makes for a great week!
Alright, alright! So what do I do?
So, I dunno how it is for you guys, but for me, whenever I have some emotional baggage—relationship or family bullshit, or some other kind of conflict, I find it hard to concentrate on anything besides the baggage. I just can’t be productive until the unfinished business is finished. And unfortunately this kind of conflict nearly always exists in life.
I think that, while I have tons of great friends out here, and we have a lot of fun times—my life is full of high highs and low lows—overall I’ve been depressed for about a year or so.
I have so much to be thankful for out here, and I genuinely don’t want to come off sounding “woe-is-me,” but I am at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore. My emotional lows have affected this site and they’ve been affecting my business, and it’s definitely well past time for a change. I want to be so much more productive—to do so much more with my life at this point…
So I’m having a little honesty moment and putting my problems out there for all to see. I’m putting it to you:
What do you guys do when you’re carrying around emotional baggage, or your life is filled with distracting “noise”?
- How do you remain productive and stay on top of your work?
- If you run a small business, how do you stay on track?
- How do you get closure in a world that usually offers none?
- What methods are there for re-igniting one’s motivation and creativity?
Here are two great replies I got from some great Twitter friends when I put this question out there a few weeks ago, but please add your own replies below:
Dorie Morgan (@brstngphnx) says:
“I build a little more time for me to process what’s going on. Maybe I get up a little earlier to write or maybe I eat alone.”
Rosy Villa (@rosyblue) replies:
“Go to a dark place, take deep breaths & forget what you can’t change. Then, write a list and try your best to stay with it.
”
Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful support. I’m hoping to make 2009 a really kickass year and get a lot accomplished professionally. I appreciate your help so that I can have the emotional energy to then give back to everyone else in our wonderful community.
The key word is: deadlines!
Optional: a new partner…
Keep a journal. For me personally, I just unload whatever is in my mind onto paper. This allows me to organize my thoughts and physically look at them, instead of trying to piece them together in my mind. One trick that works for me is to just write non stop, dont even lift the pen, until you finished a few pages or you can no longer write about the issue.
Like David Allen (I believe…) puts it; unload all the mental ram that problems/bullshit waste. The more ram bs takes of your mind, the slower/more sluggish it works. The more free mental ram availale, the faster and more efficient your mind works.
I must say I've been feeling the same way lately. I've still not got a job, haven't had any luck getting any interviews and all that… I'm broke, don't know what I want to do, and generally indecisive anyway. Even worse is that I feel like I'm in the same place that I was last year, only with slightly more material belongings.
Here's my input:
Negativity is POISONOUS. I consider myself a positive person. I like to bring smiles to any situation. I'd say I'm usually pretty good at it, even when other people are not in the smiling mood. So when I'm in a funk… I'm in a FUNK.
I usually try to stew in it and take time for myself, ask myself why I'm being so down and what I can do about it. Problem is, if I'm in a bad mood, I tend to have bad answers for myself. I tend to shut people out because “I can get through this on my own” and “I don't need anyone's help”. But then I start to let other people down since I'm just taking time for myself, and let myself down in the process.
Moral of the story is :
You're on a kickass trip, and I don't think I'm alone when I say that I can't wait to see you when you get back and hear the stories of where you've been, what you did, how you did it, and what you learned. Sometimes things fall into place if you let them. Sometimes they take a little more effort on your part. And when those don't seem to work, sometimes it just takes a familiar face to give you that bit of confidence or motivation that you've been lacking to take the next step.
I find it's best to do something I've been putting off… whether the reason is good or not. Take time if you need it, but make sure you don't stop.
- Robb
Just keep at it my friend! One of the most thrilling heroics is to find the will to get yourself up no matter what- it would be a fine addition to your arsenal. All the best Cody!
I suround myself with positive upbeat people… or people that are interested in something I've felt passionate about in the past… Their enthusiasum usually wears off on me and helps me get out of my funk. Or I drive around this FABULOUS lake near where I live with my sunroof open (regardless of the outside temperature) playing my music loud. Sometimes I even put the windows down so the wind blowing across the damn can make my hair blow around all crazylike. It reminds me I'm alive- and that in itself is enough to make me thankful for anything that comes my way.