Note: this article is massive, and it’s a bit more personal than I usually get, but I’ve summarized the lessons I’ve learned over the last six weeks about overcoming fear and dealing with unexpected life changes. My belief is that fear of the unknown is the only barrier between you and the life you want to have, so I’m certain almost everybody can get something out of this. Also, on a related note, if you want to take action to break each of your fears into much smaller, actionable items, to facilitate change and actually take control of your life, I highly recommend my friend Sean’s Overcoming the Fear of Uncertainty program.

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When a resolute young fellow steps up to the great bully, the world, and takes him boldly by the beard, he is often surprised to find it comes off in his hand, and that it was only tied on to scare away the timid adventurers.”

–Ralph Waldo Emerson

Maintaining relationships as a permanent traveler and entrepreneur has it’s challenges. I’ve been puzzled as to how to broach this topic here, but I recently parted ways with my (now ex-) girlfriend.

Nikki was (and always will be) a stunning, inspiring, ambitious woman. We met in Bangkok, she had built her own successful business, we saw four countries together in the last eight months alone, and together we got a beach house on beautiful Koh Phangan island in the south of Thailand. In many ways, we were the perfect travel couple. I thought I’d found the love of my life. So it’s hard to share with the whole world when you fuck something that good up.

Maybe we rushed into things. Maybe our hopes were too high. Maybe we were too alike—both A-type, hard-headed entrepreneurs, both accustomed to the ever-changing permanent travel lifestyle, and both very stubborn. We both had outside stresses, and moving from a busy city with literally hundreds of friends we could go out with nearly every day of the week, to sharing a home together for the first time, together nearly 24/7, on a small island where we didn’t know anyone, we had a few fights that escalated from bad to worse, and eventually I left Koh Phangan.

In retrospect, I don’t even remember what our arguments were about. Average disagreements, minor hurt feelings, money worries, but they would spiral out of control as we provoked each other to higher and higher stakes back and forth. Occasional fights are inevitable in long-term relationships. But perhaps we hadn’t had enough time to fully figure each other out, or maybe we both still need to learn how to handle those misunderstandings and disagreements properly with a more mature discourse.

Over the course of several months I had adjusted my business and scaled back on a lot of the projects I had been doing on my own (to clarify, she didn’t ask me to do this) to help her expand her magazine online and across Asia further. She had wanted me to potentially partner with her more officially on it, and we’d had plans to travel to South America in 2011 and do similar business there…

So when we went our separate ways, not only did I walk away from a girl that meant a tremendous amount to me, but I also became a homeless “digital drifter” again, and reverted back to solo entrepreneur. Because I had dropped a few big clients and discontinued some of the services I had been providing over the months, it’s put me at a crossroads in my business: what direction do I go? What opportunities do I get back into? Do I search for new clients or reinvent things and do something entirely new?

Not being in a committed relationship also puts me back in a position where I could almost go anywhere in the world, which is actually scary as hell. The decisions are paralyzing.

We’ve all had experiences like these—it was actually another breakup over three years ago that pushed me to move overseas—and I’ve had countless emails from readers in similar situations, who also experienced a breakup, or some other big life change.

But these big changes that we experience—losing someone you love (through a breakup, the death of someone you care about, or otherwise), having your career or your business thrown in disarray, experiencing a huge change in your living situation before you’re ready for it, trouble in your family, misunderstandings with your friends, and many other similar things—they can also bring out massive fears that—if you don’t overcome them—will put you in a rut for months or years, and may destroy you.

We may feel fear because of an experience that has happened in the past which triggers fear in the present. We might feel fear of uncertainty, or fear of the unknown. Or, we may even be frightened of doing what we’ve always wanted to do with our lives—a kind of nervous excitement, if you will.

[…] Fear is debilitating. It keeps us at a distance.  It stops us from moving forward.  It holds us back.

Our natural instinct when we begin to feel fear is avoidance.  Many people will go to unnatural extremes to avoid their fears, rather than dealing with their fear, and moving forward.”

–Brooke Ferguson

The Fear of Uncertainty

I am a firm believer that the only thing that holds you back from getting the things you want in this life is yourself—or, to be more precise, your fears.

Fear is a product of our evolution—it’s a survival response, a remnant from caveman days when we needed to remain alert and move our asses to avoid getting eaten by sabertooth tigers. But life in modern society is pretty cushy, and that inherent fear and anxiety response isn’t so useful anymore. At least I haven’t come across too many sabertooth tigers.

You’re never going to completely remove the fear. But you must master the fear if you want to be successful in life and attain your goals.

Most of us fear failure in some form or another. A lot of people stay in their 9-to-5 jobs because they fear the unknown—not having that paycheck to rely on, or they fear their own ability to go out and find enough paying clients to make a living. I experience that fear every month! Or you might fear that people will think your idea is stupid, that no one will buy. People will laugh at you because you choose to walk a different path—the unconventional path.

“Most people will choose unhappiness over uncertainty.”

–Timothy Ferriss

But it’s not going to kill you to fail. Ask anyone successful how they got there, and they will undoubtedly tell you about the many, many failed ideas and failed attempts they made before they became an “overnight” success.

Failure doesn’t have the same sharp teeth and claws that it used to. If you’re trying to do big, remarkable things in business or in life, then failure is unavoidable. It’s part of the journey, part of the learning process. And in fact, failure is only going to teach you what you didn’t know already, and it will teach you lessons to apply in your next attempt at success.

One lesson that really made a huge impact on me early on, from Ramit Sethi, is that if you’re not failing at a few things each month, then you’re not trying hard enough. Ramit keeps a folder for failures, and he’s a New York Times bestselling author now.

Mountains from Molehills

Any big life change is going to feel like an insurmountable goal before you actually achieve it. The more you think about it without taking action and getting started, the more you will build it up to be a huge challenge in your head.

I remember before I finally pulled the trigger and packed my bags to live abroad in late 2008, I was scared shitless about leaving my comfortable surroundings. I thought I might end up spending a year in Asia in complete solitude. Boy did I turn out to be wrong though! I have friends now that I would never have back home—millionaires, media personalities, nightclub owners, authors, folks from all industries and from every corner of the world.

my 2nd day in Bangkok

I made it out to be a much bigger obstacle in my head than it really turned out to be. There were plenty of challenges, as I arrived in Beijing, China, just as the Bangkok airport was closed down by political demonstrations, and they wanted to turn me around and send me back to California.

But once I was moving towards my goal, once I was on the road traveling, I was surrounded by a completely new world—foreign languages I didn’t understand at all, different social norms—and it forced me to be resourceful. I had to learn and overcome the challenges, and in fact it increased the rate at which I was learning new things and becoming more resilient.

How to Royally Fuck Up a Sure Thing

Alright, so how to actually deal with the fear…

First, I want to tell you how not to deal with your fears. This is something that I’ve probably done over and over again, and one of these days I’ll have to learn that if I want a different outcome, I have to change my behavior. But I’ll share it here so hopefully you can learn a lesson from my failure.

So to go back to the breakup, a huge fear that I’ve recognized in myself is the fear that I’ll never find the kind of companionship I want—someone to share my life with. I’m not ready to settle down in one place, and I know I’m not mature enough to get hitched just yet, but I’m pretty serious when it comes to dating, and I’m looking for the right woman to join me on my unconventional journey through life—with all the ups and downs of travel and business thrown in there.

I tend to be extremely loyal when I find someone that fits—sometimes too much so. But a common fear that crops up in my relationships is that my other half isn’t as committed to the partnership.

In Nikki, I found someone who was exceptionally like-minded—she also enjoys the unleashed travel lifestyle and has the ups and downs of entrepreneurship. Very rare, but we understood each other pretty damn well. We made an incredible couple, and had a brilliantly fun time, something I’ll always be thankful for. We were almost sickeningly cute at times, I’m sure.

The huge mistake I made, though, was letting the fear take control at the first sign that something was wrong. Seth Godin calls it the lizard brain—the fight or flight tendency.

When we fought, all my biggest fears came out: that she would leave me, or maybe that I wasn’t good enough for her, and that even if we did work things out, get through the argument and come to an understanding, eventually there would come a time when I wasn’t able to keep her happy and the relationship would fall apart anyway.

So rather than fully committing myself to working things out, getting through the argument and working at it to come to an understanding, which is the mature thing I should have done, I let my past experiences dictate my behavior, and I acted out of fear. I said things I didn’t mean. And at the end, I was the douchebag who walked away from her, because I feared she would dump me, and I was desperate to avoid that pain (real or imagined).

I feared a certain outcome, so rather than working hard at it and being there the way I should have, I overreacted out of fear and prematurely severed the relationship because I feared an unknown future. When I realized what a mistake I’d made, I spent a week or two trying to persuade her back with logical reasoning. This is exactly the opposite of what you should do. There’s no reasoning with someone to love you; I’d already lost her trust.

“Love is an act of endless forgiveness, a tender look which becomes a habit.”

–Peter Ustinov

Moral of the story: if you really want something, don’t let fear take the wheel and go into fight or flight mode. Don’t react and be a jackass when you fear an unknown outcome. Instead, stay reasonable, keep a cool head, hang in there and keep working hard, taking the steps necessary toward what you want. Because you never really know what will happen—you can’t predict the future—but a lot of people sabotage themselves, almost subconsciously, so that they don’t have to experience failure if they don’t get what they want.

This applies to relationships, but also to pretty much everything else too. Don’t do this!

Keep Your Options Open

No matter what fear you’re facing, the biggest element is that we all fear we will be ruined if we fail. Life will be over!

But that’s just not true. What you need is to figure out your options if everything goes horribly, a backup plan, if you will. A lot of times we have these fears because we don’t know what alternate options we have. So you need to spend some time and think about your options.

Tim Ferriss calls it fear-setting: you need to spend some time and think about your options if the worst case scenario happens. Try writing down exactly what would happen in the absolute worst case, if you completely and utterly fail at your goals. Then map out as many paths to recovery as you can, or alternate solutions to achieve your goal.

A few weeks after my breakup, I sat down and put together a mindmap with some of my biggest fears right now at this stage in my life: what direction to go with my business, money troubles, my fear of loneliness, and yes even the fear that I’ll never find the Mrs. Right.

Once I did this, I actually realized how many friends I had coming through to visit, how much fun was in store, I realized how many different business opportunities were already open to me, and new income streams I could start if I put in the effort, I even realized a lot of the positive things about my breakup and being on my own again. It made a huge difference in my attitude, and gave me the energy to look for new possibilities and keep pressing forward.

Once you define your worst possible outcome, and brainstorm solutions for it, you’ll see that in most cases failure will be much easier to come back from than you might fear. This should help remove a lot of the uncertainty for you in any area of your life.

Surround Yourself with Good People

I was exceptionally fortunate that I had a good friend not far from where I was: Brooke Ferguson was just a few hours away in Krabi, Thailand. I took a bus to see her, she helped me get my feet back on the ground now that I was homeless, she listened to all my braindump about what had happened, gave me lots of helpful insight, and we even got some momentum going on an exciting new project.

Several friends have actually come to visit in the last two months: Craig Gonzales, who wrote here about friendship and location independence recently, Colin Wright, Carlos Miceli, Ross Hill, Dwight Turner, Matt Goult, and others. Some were there when I needed someone to discuss my breakup and my fears with, and slowly, through many conversations, I was able to learn some important lessons and understand my mistakes a bit better.

Markus from LivingOnImpulse.com & Dwight from InSearchOfSanuk.com

Some of them were there when I just wanted to go out for drinks and a fun time. A couple joined me on the renowned rock climbing routes in Railay Beach, Krabi (which itself, like skydiving, deals with my fear of heights. Staying active, or getting involved in a new activity can be a great way to challenge yourself in new ways and overcome unique challenges that you can then also apply in other parts of your life. Like losing a toenail after four hours of climbing, and then having to climb through pitch black caves and abseil down a 100-foot limestone cliff barefoot!)

abseiling barefoot over West Railay Beach

A rare few will excel at helping guide you through your own mental process, which is exactly what Markus Urban was able to do with me when we met for a few days of food, drinks, adventure, fun, and deep conversations.

Don’t compound your fears by staying isolated from the world. Often, if you can talk things through with people who you trust, they’ll help you see new things you didn’t see on your own. Getting the support of good friends, or family, can help infuse you with the courage you need to overcome your fears. And remaining present, honest and open to old and new people around you will frequently present new opportunities that weren’t there before.

Stare Fear in the Eye

It’s likely that what you fear most is what you must do. Steve Pavlina says that whatever you fear is not really an obstacle, but a challenge that you must face:

“The reward for facing fear is that you get to be fully alive. When you turn towards your fear, you feel the breath of life blowing straight at you, and it’s very refreshing. You feel awake and energized. It’s not that you become an adrenaline junky. You simply realize that you can’t let fear stand in your way if you want to live your life consciously. Being afraid of something is no excuse for not doing it.”

–Steve Pavlina

All the big things you want to accomplish will stir up your fears to some degree, and it’s only by confronting those fears head-on that you’ll ever overcome them and achieve anything remarkable. If something seems impossible, then break it down into smaller parts, and start today on the first one that will get you going the direction you want to go.

By breaking down your huge fears into small pieces and taking action every day, you’ll start to build up resilience and tenacity in the face of those fears. And every time you have a small breakthrough or a victory over something you fear, you’ll gain more and more momentum to continue on and take on bigger and bigger challenges.

I finally decided to take initiative on a big, impossible dream I have of hosting some kind of an entrepreneurship, personal development and lifestyle design summit in the Southern California desert—a sort of unconference and retreat with inspiring, like-minded people who want to create radical change in their lives and build meaningful businesses.

As soon as I started sharing this idea with the right kind of people—a few folks who I really look up to and a few individuals who crossed paths by serendipity and shared an understanding of what change I want to make in the world—I started to get positive feedback from some who are also interested to participate and make something happen, which has given me new motivation to put in the attention and effort and make this one of my central projects in the coming months. (More on this soon, but if you want to learn from and collaborate with some remarkable people for a week in Palm Springs, say around mid-April when Coachella Music & Arts Festival is on, drop me a line.)

And in the dating arena, I’ve simply forced myself to keep being social, going out and meeting new people, bonding with new friends, and already I’ve found that there are plenty of great women out there to meet and plenty of potential for new relationships when the time is right, and maybe my huge fear that I’ll spend eternity alone isn’t true after all.

Are You Avoiding Doing Something Out of Fear?

“You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.”

–Wayne Gretzky

Consider what you have to lose by not taking action. Will you get another chance at this? Are you happy with things as they are now, or are you miserable? Will you choose unhappiness over uncertainty?

The key to achieving your wildest goals in life is to overcome the fears that hold you back, and to question your assumptions. The more certainty you require in life, the more you will be let down and unhappy. The people who succeed are the ones who accept that much of life is uncertain, and every day will serve up new challenges. Sometimes you’ll feel prepared to handle them, but most of the time you probably won’t. You must learn to adapt quickly to change, seek out how you can turn uncertainty to your benefit, and stop being a victim—but instead start looking for the lessons you can learn from life’s challenges to make you stronger.

Here are four lessons I’ve learned as I’ve overcome big challenges and faced my fears:

1. If you feel pulled towards something, embrace it and race toward it.
2. Big life changes are never as scary as you make them out to be in your head at first.
3. No matter what happens, you will adapt to new surroundings and new things in your life surprisingly quickly.
4. Even if your plans don’t unfold how you want them to, at the very least you will experience growth and learn valuable lessons along the way.

The willingness to risk the comfort of the familiar in order to find your true happiness is the path to living a remarkable life.

“Winners expect and embrace failure as something that will remain constant throughout their lives. No matter how successful they are in whatever they do, they will have the failures to go alongside it.

Every winner out there has had to first become a Master of Failure before enjoying the winning side of life.”

–Kevin Abdulrahman

There always have been and always will be a small subset of the population who lead remarkable lives. They choose not to allow fear—of the unknown, of uncertainty, of failure—to hold them back from doing big things. They take action in the face of fear. The question is: will you choose to be one of them? Will you overcome your fears and live a remarkable life?

If So, the World Is Your Oyster!

Image: Anton Balazh

Read the original article on Thrilling Heroics here: How to Keep Kicking Ass When You Lose Everything

Today’s post is a guest article from my friend and education professional Craig Gonzales, who I had the good fortune to meet while he served as director of Princeton Review Thailand in Bangkok.

Cody, Brooke Ferguson & Craig Gonzales in Krabi, Thailand

But It Makes Us Seem Cool!

Having friends throughout the world makes me feel pretty cool. I remember having a coffee conversation with a group of friends in Memphis, Tennessee a few years back. We were on our way to the Lollapalooza music festival in Chicago and got tired of the drive, so we stopped for some drinks with a friend. While chatting, our host dropped the “My friend in Georgia…” line. The young, arrogant boaster in me had to say, “oh yeah? I’ve been to Georgia…”

“Uhm… I meant the country,” she said while rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, me too. I spent time in Tbilisi after visiting my Peace Corps volunteer friends in Moldova and Azerbaijan,” I proudly remarked.

Shit like that is cool: To know what she is talking about, and to know that she thinks she is the only one who knows what she’s talking about.

There is a very real pride in knowing people around the world. The exoticness rubs off. It is like being attracted to the Brazilian exchange student or the British au pair. We are cool by association. Being from Texas is not cool if everyone around us is also from Texas, so we glean the coolness from our association with the Spanish, Qatari, or Thai friends that we have.

In addition to feeling cool, worldwide friends make our personal and professional lives more fulfilling. We can operate business remotely, we can rely on a warm bed and a tasty meal, and we can gain powerful insight into local business markets.

My young arrogance was not simply to seem cool to other people, though that was part of it, rather it was to make me more professionally capable and more culturally aware. But developing friendships takes time and energy. Networking is hard work, and if you know too many people, you run the risk of spreading yourself too thin.

The only surefire way to do this is to spend extensive time internationally. Spending several months in a new destination seems a requirement for this sort of true international experience. Sure, on my last trip to Darjeeling I met a lovely Tibetan lady in my hostel, but she is not really part of my network. She is someone I sometimes “like” on Facebook.

Superficial, one-off relationships are not what I am talking about.

But I Chat With People All Over!

We have conversations on the web: chat through MSN and Facebook, comment and communicate on Twitter and on blogs, and expose our language skills to those in language exchange programs. That is nice, but it is not what I am talking about.

Online friends share ideas. Good ideas—intelligent and helpful ideas. Relationships you maintain with other people online can be good, but they’re different from relationships with in-person friends, true friends.

Online friends are like study buddies or colleagues that enjoy each others’ company. The communication is intellectual, idealistic, or sophomoric. However it works, it’s narrow and important.

In-person friends do share these intellectually stimulating conversations, but they also share experiences. Money blogs and relationship blogs have individuals bearing their souls, so I am not saying web friends cannot be intimate, but true in-person friends grow together. They watch football together, go tubing together, eat breakfast together, and go through relationships together. They grow through time with each other in a beautiful way. This is something online friends cannot have, really, and it is something that some perpetual travelers and lifestyle designers may not realize we miss.

We spend time building a network, responding to blogs, and chatting on Twitter. But this is only a band-aid used to fill a very real void. Our “friendship void” makes us reach out however we can. In some cases, it is to people on the web. This is a very real experience and a very real problem.

Meeting online friends in real life (Cody, Carlos Miceli, Colin Wright, Ross Hill)

[Craig's] Personal Experience

The words ‘I’ and ‘me’ get thrown around far too often in blogs, but with that said, if I want to play the game, I should at least read the rulebook. I formalized my opinion based on the following experiences:

• While I was in high school. I had a core group of high school friends. I was part nerd, part bully, part social magnet, and part crescent fresh dude. I made many friends in high school. Most of my friends went to the same colleges, universities, military, or jobs after school. They all knew each other. I went to a school where I knew nobody. I left my friends behind for the great unknown.
• I went to university and had to make new friends. I stayed in contact with my high school friends, but they kept their relationships going. Throughout the four years of college, as I built new relationships and developed strong social skills and bonds with beautiful friends, my old friends grew closer. What I left after four years, they continued for eight.
• Upon graduation, I decided to go to graduate school. I didn’t know anyone in this new city. Most of my friends stayed in either Austin or Houston, Texas. They hung out all the time. They loved each other. I still talked to them. And sometimes I went to visit them. But throughout my entire time in graduate school, my high school friends kept their lives together, my college friends kept their lives together, and I made a brand new base of friends. In graduate school, most of my friends were undergrads. (I was still in that mindset.) In grad school, I realized that I needed some life experience, so once again, I moved away, and once again, I was the only person I knew making the decision I was making. I moved to Ghana.
• In Ghana, I made new friends. Wonderful expat and local friends. My high school friends now had almost 10 years together, my uni friends had six, and my grad school friends had already been building more than two years. I had these three groups of friends to keep up with, and surprisingly, while some came and went, there was always a core group, my core 3-6 friends, that always were together. They’d vacation together, they’d movie together, they’d have mid-week cookouts together. They grew up together. They knew each other so well. Their lives were beautiful. And I kept having to etch a new social life out of my experience. I had wanderlust.
• This experience happened to me three more times. Once, after Ghana, I took a job in a new city. I knew so few people, and had to make new friends. Then, after working for one year, I moved to Thailand. I was the only person I knew in Thailand, so I again had to make new friends. Then, after one-and-a-half years in Thailand, I moved to Singapore, where I had to start the whole process again. As you can see, this is a cycle that gets exhausting, because while I have known my new friends here in Singapore for three months, my old core groups (what is it now, five core groups of friends?) have become so close that they are experts on each other. They have spent so many hours together that they can finish each others sentences.

But Is It Worth It?

You have to decide that for yourself. Personally, I am pleased with my decision.

But I didn’t know the full consequences, mainly because I didn’t take the time to rationalize the cause-and-effect of this sort of lifestyle. I know more people than some of my friends; I know a more diverse group of people, and I have a wider perspective and more things to talk about. I love it. I love it so much. I would never trade it.

But I recognize what I have lost, and what I will not have with those I care about. For many people, family and friends are everything. Not just having them or chatting with them, but being with them. Daily, weekly, or monthly.

To have a work/life/relationship balance, you need to think of more than just money and freedom. You need to think about others. A lot of the location-independent bloggers have a positive, no-holds-barred approach to living life by one’s own means. I support that 100%. But our decisions affect not only ourselves but also our family and friends. And it is essential that we recognize and are comfortable with that transition—with that life.

For me, it is worth it. For you, I do not know.

But know that there are pros and cons to everything; there is nothing wrong with having a traditional home base and taking many mini-retirements. There is nothing wrong with taking your winter trip to Vail and your summer trip to Cancun. There is something wrong, however, with wishing you could live a different life but doing nothing to get that life.

Conclusion

Living a perpetual travel lifestyle or a location independent lifestyle has consequences. For many, the consequences are too dire to live with. That is fine. For others, those consequences are small when compared to the exciting life we live. As Socrates said, a truly wise man knows what he does not know. Consequently, a truly wise nomad knows all that he gives up in order to live this life, and is validated by his decision.

–

Read the original article on Thrilling Heroics here: The Nomadic, Permanent Travel Lifestyle and the “Friendship Void”

I’ve been living in Bangkok, Thailand, for seventeen months now. It’s a big, hot, polluted city—a developed metropolis in the middle of the developing world where ancient tradition meets cutting edge technology. Bald-headed, orange-robed Buddhist monks wander the streets toting the latest iPhones; gray-haired Alabama exports sport handlebar mustaches and transgendered girlfriends; angry rioters blockade major city streets, while next door at the bar locals and expats alike look on with cocktails in hand.

If there’s one word to describe this place, it is contradiction. You will see the Old juxtaposed with the New, the East juxtaposed with the West. Thailand a beautiful tropical destination that feels a bit like the Wild West meets The Fifth Element.

I came to Thailand in 2008 after a bad breakup (two actually), quitting my office job, and many months of stagnation and boredom with my suburban existence in the States. I wanted to live for a year abroad, somewhere as different as I could possibly find. I wanted to create a location-independent lifestyle, free up more time to read, learn, travel, and work on personal projects, test my self-reliance, expand my understanding of other cultures, and of course lounge on the beach.

Getting Marooned in Asia

The day I flew out of San Francisco, November 25th, 2008, was the day that PAD “Yellow Shirt” protesters closed down the Bangkok airport. My connecting flight from Beijing to Bangkok was “delayed indefinitely”. Since I had not planned on stepping foot outside the airport, I had no visa to stay in China, and the immigration agents there were not the most welcoming people. After 3 hours, I managed to negotiate a 24-hour stay and a hotel for the night, courtesy of the People’s Republic. That night foreshadowed the next week of travel though: no one spoke a word of English; I ate a pack of Ritz crackers for dinner and shared three Heinekens with another stranded traveler; the protesters’ sit-in at Bangkok’s international airport lasted for ten days.

My year abroad certainly didn’t start off according to plan, but after three nights in Hong Kong and a redirect through Malaysia, I was in beach paradise in Phuket, riding around on the back of motorbikes with new Thai friends, wandering around breathtaking Buddhist temples and watching beautiful sunsets. Then days later, I was at the Pama Resort on the beach in Rayong—with my good friend Dwight Turner, his buddy Dylan Wei, and a busload of Chinese tourists—eating a full seafood barbeque spread on the beach, dancing, and singing karaoke on stage. Only in Southeast Asia.

I’ve been sick on a twelve-hour overnight bus (the worst kind of sick!), with no running water, no toilet paper, and no sleep. I’ve been on the long road to Laos when our car suddenly broke down. I’ve been in upscale nightclubs when the police have stormed the place at 1am looking for some Thai mobster or other. I’ve been in the thick of it when protesters close down my neighborhood for days on end and clash with soldiers and riot police—Molotov cocktails, petrol bombs, tear gas and bullets flying. I always manage to find myself in the middle of the action somehow.

Why Thailand? Why Now?

This guide may not come at the most timely moment for average travelers, with recent violent riots in the streets of Bangkok and international travel advisories warning against visiting Thailand right now. But I know there’s nothing average about you guys. And besides, Thailand isn’t a place for anyone who’s looking for anything average.

Political unrest is a fairly normal thing in this part of the world. I don’t recommend anyone go following the demonstrators around town, and I don’t take any liability for anyone who can’t keep their wits about them when traveling, but you can bet that travel to Thailand will be on SALE for the next few months.

The Thai people definitely are some of the friendliest people I’ve come across in my travels to 20+ countries, and they will take very good care of you for the most part. It’s not a perfect place—nowhere is—but the cost-of-living and traveling is low, entertainment and incredible food are easy to find, and friends are very easy to make.

Bangkok attracts millions of tourists each year—foreigners looking for everything from the hedonistic to the sacred. This part of the world is the only place I’ve been where you will see monks and prostitutes on the same street corner. It might be a little bit too much for some, but others thrive on the energy here. Life in Thailand always keeps you on your toes!

Increased freedoms, choices and opportunities are what drive people to cities like this—from the low-income farmers in the countryside to the European and American expats. And as my friend John Berns has said, Bangkok almost feels like it’s experiencing a bit of a renaissance right now—there are a lot of creeps in this town, but there are also innumerable creative types out here trying to make the world a better place or start big things in one way or another. I’ve never met so many really smart, really motivated people in my life—something I’ll go more into in future posts…

Suffice it to say, if you’re a bit adventurous, a bit entrepreneurial, or just want to experience a walk on the wild side, Thailand is a perfect destination for anyone who wants anything from a great 2-week vacation to a 3-month mini-retirement. Or more. (I’ve got several friends who originally came out here for an “8-week trip” that turned into 8 years!)

When to Come to Thailand

Thailand’s tourism high season is from October to April, when the weather is generally at its coolest and driest. Accommodation is at its most expensive, and tourist destinations are most crowded of any time of year.

Starting in May or June through about September is the rainy “monsoon” season, but don’t let that name scare you off. Rain comes in heavy downpours, but most days, it will only last for maybe an hour or so in the afternoon, and the rains are rather warm. If you’re not put off by a bit of a drizzle, they’re actually quite refreshing. Monsoon season is also typically the low season when the fewest tourists come out here, prices are at their lowest, and it’s easiest to get around.

So, in other words, NOW is the time to come to Thailand if you want cheap prices! It’s the best time of year to spend weeks or months with friends down at the beaches on the Andaman Sea, for example. Check out this video to see some of the great adventures I had with friends down south and look for the stunning hotel room I got for just $18 US per night during low season:

Getting Here & Getting Around Southeast Asia on the Cheap

Almost anywhere you plan on traveling in Southeast Asia, the cheapest flights all come in through Bangkok’s Suvarnabhumi Airport (code BKK), the biggest international hub in the region.

If you spend wisely, you can easily take a three- or four-week flashpacking trip through Thailand and airfare will be your biggest expense for the whole trip.

Kayak.com is, in my opinion, the best airfare aggregator that finds the cheapest flights all around the world. It doesn’t pull information from all the smaller carriers around the globe, but it will frequently find the best fare or at least give you an idea what the prices should look like. Forget Orbitz.

The cheap air carriers out here in Thailand are AirAsia.com (by far the best), Tiger Airways, and Nok Air—you can frequently fly to most locations throughout Thailand for $50 or less depending on when you book, or even jetset to neighboring Cambodia, Laos, Vietnam, Malaysia, Singapore, and so on for very cheap. Avoid Jetstar Airways.

What to Pack for Your Trip to Thailand

Pack light! You don’t need much. I have dozens of friends who have lived out of one backpack for 6 months, and keep in mind that I moved to Asia for a year and a half trip with only two bags. Keep in mind that Thailand is a tropical country where you rarely need any cold-weather clothing or jackets. Laundry is very cheap and you can purchase anything you need over here, so pack less than you think you will need.

If you want to visit Thai temples (wats) you should bring one pair of lightweight long pants (and women need to cover their shoulders and arms).

There are 7/11′s on every street corner where you can get snacks, basic toiletries and household items. Tesco Lotus is a good chain to find cheap food and household items, and there are plenty of inexpensive, fairly good-quality clothes to be found among the street vendors at Khao San Road, Chatuchak weekend market, and the innumerable street markets that crop up all over Bangkok.

Don’t forget to barter! It’s a way of life in Thailand. This won’t work for food most of the time, or in nicer hotels, department stores, etc. But if you’re buying goods on the street, ask their price and then start your counter offer at half what they quoted you.

Surviving Your First Day in Thailand

Flights coming from the US frequently arrive in Bangkok around midnight, and it’s handy to have a room booked for at least one night if you are arriving in Bangkok directly after a long haul flight. A taxi from the airport to downtown will only be about $10–15 or so, with highway tolls included. One important note that many foreigners miss: NEVER get in a taxi that doesn’t have the meter on. If the taxi drivers quote you 300 or 400 baht to get where you’re going, ask for “meter?” Tuk tuks aren’t equipped with meters, but you can bet if they quote you 300 or 400 baht, they’re scamming you.

From the airport, there is also a cheap shuttle bus that will take you directly to the Khao San Road area with cheap backpacker hostels.

Here’s a few places I’d recommend:

• HI-Sukhumvit
• Lub d Hostel
• Sawasdee Hotels
• Diamond House
• Or search here to book accommodation all across Thailand & Asia

Another wise idea if you are traveling with friends or meeting anyone while you’re here is to get a Thai SIM card for your cell phone. SIM cards and refill credit are very cheap here, and you can find them in most 7/11′s all over the country.

Also if you are like me and use your smart phone to connect to the web a lot, check out Matt Goult’s 4-step guide to get unlimited EDGE/GPRS data on One-2-Call here in Thailand.

Be Prepared for Challenges

If you’ve never been to Asia before, you are going to be waay overwhelmed when you land in Bangkok. Lots of people, lots of cars racing around ignoring red lights and turning 3-lane highways into 5-lanes (but thankfully much fewer accidents than I’m used to seeing back home in California), lots of smog, lots of crazy things you’ll see. It’s a different world than the West, so just be prepared for that.

It is not like you’re used to back home. Even though Bangkok is a huge modern city, wi-fi can be harder to find than anticipated. Power will go out, water won’t work all the time, things will break. Nothing works 100% of the time. So just be prepared for that, leave enough time to get things done and get where you need to go.

As my buddy Jonny Gibaud says, pedestrian crossings really are just decorations, and about 110% of the cars will not stop for you under any circumstance, motorbikes frequently use the sidewalks, and all sorts of other crazy shit, so stay alert when you’re wandering the streets. “Police are abundant in Thailand and especially in cities such as Bangkok. They seem to be everywhere but are not seen to serve any real purpose apart from pulling over foreigners and fining them for being alive.”

Learning to use the bathroom will be difficult. Do a Google search for “Asian squat toilet”. Trust me. Everything is different and new here. You’ll feel like an infant all over again!

There will be huge lingual and cultural barriers, you will experience many misunderstandings. But everyone is awesome. People are friendly. Keep a smile on your face, roll with the punches, and be ready to expand your comfort zone and your ability to overcome challenges. I have never felt threatened in this country the whole year and a half I have lived here, and it’s easy to make friends with travelers and expats.

Almost Anything Can Be Had

All of that being said, a lot of people make travel in Thailand sound harder than it is though. For all of its challenges, Thailand truly is a fantastic place—the people are generally very friendly, not confrontational at all, they will laugh off misunderstandings (so you should too), and for the most part they will take very good care of you.

Thailand is a place where I would venture to say you can find almost anything you want to buy (baby cobra snakes anyone?), and have nearly any experience you can imagine. You can get anything here. There is certainly a dark side to BKK if that’s what you’re looking for, but this site doesn’t deal with that. There are plenty of other places you can look that stuff up if it’s what you’re interested in.

Bangkok has some of the best nightlife in the world, and it’s easy to find yourself smoking cigars with the club owners, hanging at model bars, rooftop parties, or comped Tiesto shows. The more you get to know people, the more opportunities will be available to you, so keep an open mind and make friends!

You can order McDonald’s delivery all night, you can hire the motorbike taxi drivers outside your hostel to help you with almost any task you can imagine, you can get someone to wash your laundry for $2, you can find maids, traditional Thai massages, fine suit tailors and personal drivers for a fraction of the cost you’d expect in any Western country.

Lastly, as my good Thai friend Tiam once reassured me, the law is flexible. All the rules get broken here (just watch how people obey the traffic laws), so if you make a mistake—like overstaying your visa by a week or two—don’t worry too much. It’s a completely foreign idea to us Westerners, but almost anything can be negotiated, and people want to help you if you’re willing to help them.

A Word on the Thai Language

Thankfully for English speaking travelers, Thailand and most of Southeast Asia are actually very easy to get around with little or none of the local language. Many people in Bangkok and other cities speak at least some English. With that said, the more you know coming in, the better, so be prepared.

There will be loads of confusion. There are a few important pleasantries I’d recommend learning before you come here that will make life a little easier. In Thai, you almost always end every sentence with a polite word. For men, you end everything with “kup”; for women, you end your sentences with “ka”. See below:

• “Sawadee kup”(male)/”Sawadee ka” (female) – “Hello”
• “Sabai dee mai kup/ka” – “How are you?”
• “Korp khun kup/ka” – “Thank you”
• “Tao rai kup/ka” – “How much is it?”
• “Mai pen lai kup/ka” – “No worries” or “It doesn’t matter” — that’s the attitude out here. As I said above, don’t take anything too seriously.

Thai is a tonal language, with five different tones—all five can give a word different meanings. But don’t worry too much—just be willing to try speaking and laugh it off when you make mistakes. Subscribe to the awesome, free Learn Thai Podcast, listen to the first few episodes on your flight over here, and you’ll already be ahead of most tourists who come out here. Get the Lonely Planet Thai phrase book from the iTunes store if you carry an iPhone or iPod with you, which you can consult if you get stuck and need to communicate with someone (it has audio). If you’re staying in Thailand for a while, find a Thai friend to teach you or search online for inexpensive courses you can attend.

Thai Food

Eat the food from street stalls! It’s cheap and delicious, and there’s nothing wrong with eating at a sidewalk or alleyway vendor in this country. A lot of places, you can find incredible edibles on the street 24-hours a day. And don’t just stick to Pad Thai! Mark Wiens, the king of foods, has an excellent list of 100 Foods You Must Eat in Bangkok Thailand. Try the curries, the soups, the duck, look for Chinese and Korean food, Indian and Arab food.

Take the BTS (the mass transit skytrain in Bangkok) to Nana Station and visit Sukhumvit Soi 3/1, where you’ll find rows of Middle Eastern restaurants with incredible naan bread, hummus, shwarma wraps, lamb kebabs, and shisha pipes.

For the most comprehensive & thorough education on Thai food you’ll ever see, check out Mark’s exceptional Eating Thai Food Guide, which will give you the complete menu of Thai street food you’ll find around the country, including photos, recipes, ratings, phonetic instructions on how to order in Thai (and how to write them in the Thai language), and even recommended restaurants.

Other Destinations Around Thailand

1. Ayutthaya: The old capital of Thailand is a day trip from Bangkok, full of ancient ruins, Buddhist temples, and Buddha statues to explore. It’s very much like a miniature version of Cambodia’s Angkor Wat temple. Read more here.

2. Chiang Mai: Mountainous, beautiful, lots of festivals. You can go elephant trekking and take a nice Thai cooking class. I know there are plenty of nice hostels and internet cafes, and it’s cheaper than Bangkok. Take the overnight sleeper train from Bangkok. Also see Chiang Rai and Pai (a hippy town with bungalows on the river) while you’re up north.

3. Krabi province: If you’ve heard the good word about Phuket, I say give Krabi province a try instead. Absolutely stunning white sand beaches, this is literally my favorite place I’ve been. Stay in Ao Nang or Krabi Town for a cheaper stay. Take a longtail boat from either one out to Railay Beach or to one of the nearby islands. With reggae bars, rock climbing, snorkeling, scuba diving, fire dancing on the beach, it’s pretty hard to go wrong. If you wanna see my favorite place out of 25+ countries so far, check out my Railay Beach Krabi travel guide.

4. Phuket: If after you’ve checked out the Krabi province and still want to see what Phuket is all about, then make sure you check out Marriott’s Phuket Beach Club for an accommodation option. It’s a friendly, safe resort with inexpensive timeshare rentals that will provide you with a few restful nights before trekking on. It’s also located right on Mai Khao beach, a mostly undeveloped and isolated beach. Though a bit more touristy than it has been in past years, the relaxed, somewhat more isolated beaches in the north, including Mai Khao and Nai Yang, as well as Rawai and Kata in the south, are still beautiful places to visit and recommended if you decide to venture into Phuket.

5. Koh Lanta: This is right next door if you travel down to Krabi. There are tons of islands down south in the Andaman Sea (Koh Phi Phi, Koh Tao, Kho Phangan, etc.), but we recently had an incredible stay at a beachside bungalow resort in Khlong Nin beach on Koh Lanta for just about $12 a night. Check out my friend Chris’ Koh Lanta Beach Guide at AmazingLanta.com.

6. Koh Samet: Not quite the same as the sandy beaches and crystal clear waters of the islands in the Andaman Sea, but Koh Samet is a weekend getaway and just a short 3-hour trip from Bangkok by bus and ferry. Check out Stuart’s Koh Samet travel guide at TravelFish.

7. Angkor Wat: If you want to travel outside Thailand while you’re here, I’d highly recommend Siem Reap, Cambodia where you can see Angkor Wat—the massive ancient capital with the ruins you’d recognize from movies like Tomb Raider. It’s beautiful, breathtaking, a once-in-a-lifetime experience, and the city Siem Reap is gorgeous, quiet and traveler-friendly.

IMPORTANT: Thailand Travel Visas

If you arrive to Thailand without arranging a visa in advance, most Western passport-holders will automatically receive a 30-day stamp upon arrival at the airport. This can be extended for an additional 7 days at an immigration office in Bangkok or other parts of Thailand for 1900 baht. Any time you arrive in Thailand by air you can get this 30-day stay, but technically speaking, you are only allowed to do this twice in any 6 months.

If you cross the Thai border overland from somewhere like Laos or Cambodia, you will be given ony a 15-day stamp by default.

The most useful visa for longer stays is the 60-day tourist visa, which you can apply for in your home country or any neighboring Asian country for 1900 baht. The easiest places for a visa run are to Laos or Cambodia, where you cross the border and stay for two to four days while a 60-day tourist visa is processed. You can also extend the 60-day tourist visa for an additional 30 days at the immigration office in Bangkok or other parts of Thailand for 1900 baht. So, you can effectively use tourist visas to stay in the country for 90 days at a time and then travel to a neighboring country, visit the Thai embassy or consulate, and return with a new tourist visa which you can again extend for another 90 days. Read more on visa runs from Migrationology.

You will pay a visa fee of about $25–$35 US at immigration to enter Laos or Cambodia.

Check thaivisa.com and review the forums for detailed info on visas and updated reports from others about local Thai embassies. This is THE place to find info about visas.

A Few Unique Social Norms in Thailand

Thai people are very welcoming, understanding, and forgiving, but you’ll definitely get better treatment if you observe a few basic social rules. The most important thing to bear in mind is the “mai pen rai”, no worries attitude. Remember you’re on vacation, keep a smile on your face, and take it easy! Getting overly angry will usually not get the same response as it would in the West, whereas keeping your “jai yen”, or cool heart, will yield the best results for everyone involved.

• Don’t touch anyone on the top of the head, especially elder people. For Thais, the top of the head is a sacred place.
• Don’t point at anything with your feet or put your feet on top of a chair, desk, etc. The feet are considered the dirtiest part of the body, so definitely keep them away from monks, Buddha statues, and images of the King.
• Women are not allowed to touch monks at all. So no reaching out to shake hands, and don’t sit next to them on the BTS skytrain. Learn what the Asian “wai” is.
• It’s not the norm to tip in most places throughout the country, although if you receive spectacular service it will be gladly accepted. Many restaurants already include a 10% VAT fee.
• 10 Thai Customs To Know Before Visiting Thailand

While Thailand is a very open-minded and tolerant culture, keep in mind that in public, Thais are fairly conservative. Be respectful and wear long pants long sleeves when you visit palaces and temples. Don’t show too much skin, and don’t assume it’s alright to practice topless sunbathing on the beaches. It’s also best to keep the necking and public displays of affection to a minimum when you’re out and about.

Other Considerations

Banking and Cash in Thailand:

The exchange rate is currently about 32.24 baht to $1 US.

It’s easiest to just bring your bank/ATM card and just sucked up the fees (150 baht to use the local ATM plus typically $5–10 international fees depending on your bank). I try to withdraw about $300 (10k baht) at a time to minimize my fees. If you plan on doing extensive international travel, it may be worthwhile to look at a bank like Charles Schwab, which reimburses you for all fees on their checking accounts and has no international fees.

Shots or Vaccinations:

You do not require any specific shots or vaccinations to enter the Kingdom of Thailand. There are some border areas that the CDC considers questionable for malaria, but the medication here is cheaper. Be aware, malaria pills will give you some freaky David Bowie dreams.

Local Medical Coverage:

You can walk in to the hospital, clinic, and pharmacies all over Thailand. Over the counter medications, prescriptions, and almost every medical service imaginable is incredibly cheaper than in Europe or the US. You can get x-rays or see the doctor for less than $10, so if you have trouble finding traveler’s insurance (which you will with travel advisories right now) I wouldn’t worry about your health. People flock to Thailand for medical tourism reasons because they have some of the most affordable healthcare in the world. You can see the eye doctor or the dentist and get service for pennies on the dollar as well, typically all very high quality.

Do You Want MORE Info on Living & Traveling in Thailand?

Please share your feedback and if you find this useful. If you want to know MORE about things like visas & how to stay long term, finding free wi-fi, coworking offices in Bangkok, networking, finding jobs, long-term accommodations, renting houses & apartments, clubbing & things to do, and even dating in the Land of Smiles, if I get enough feedback I may consider putting out a much more detailed white paper for living & working in Thailand that would go into much greater depth for under $10 bucks.

And for expats living here or travelers who’ve been to Thailand before: what advice would you add?

More Thailand Resources:

• All about stunning Railay Beach and my home, Ao Nang, in Krabi province
• Chris Mitchell’s thorough guide 55 Tips To Help You The First Time You Travel To Thailand
• Migration Mark’s exceptional Eating Thai Food Guide, with a complete directory to traditional Thai food & street food, and recommended restaurants
• Another gem from Greg Jorgensen on CNNGo: World’s Greatest City: 50 reasons why Bangkok is No. 1
• From Matador: 10 Thai Customs To Know Before Visiting Thailand
• Search here to book hotels and backpacker hostels all across Thailand

Read the original article on Thrilling Heroics here: 27 Tips for First-Time Travelers to Thailand

I am getting a lot of questions lately about my lifestyle and what it’s like to run a location-independent business, so I thought I’d share some thoughts on the lifestyle.

Adrian Koh said in a recent article:

“Whether you call it lifestyle design, life design, work-life balance, or enlightened self-management, the central idea is this: life should be lived consciously and deliberately, and not left to chance.”

Work-life balance and (attempts at) self-management are two of the most important elements of how I live my life. It’s important to me to spend my very limited time here doing things that make a difference and that make me happy, rather than simply sinking all of my time into a job and playing the normal game of “delayed gratification” like a majority of people do (I think they call it “retirement”).

Work-life balance, location independence, and other forms of freedom are a growing trend, but we are still a minority, and there are a lot of misconceptions and challenges that we deal with too.

The Problem of Definition

The first challenge I deal with is that most people will never really understand what it is I do and how I do it. The concept of location independent entrepreneurship isn’t something you can easily explain in a few short minutes at a cocktail party. The lifestyle choices are a huge part of how I define myself, but for most people I meet I’ll simply tell them I’m a web consultant and developer. A lot of folks don’t understand the concept of being “on holiday” at the beach but also simultaneously being on call and putting in a few hours of work each day; or my wacky schedule staying up all hours to work with clients on the other side of the globe. But that’s okay, they don’t need to understand what I do for me to keep doing it!

The Problem of Impermanence

There’s a Buddhist lesson in here somewhere, but when you live a mobile lifestyle you realize how transient so many things can really be: location, friends, routines. It can be difficult to maintain relationships while you’re on the road. If you choose the truly nomadic path of “slow travel”—spending a few months to a year living in different places around the world (or around your country)—you will make a lot of friends, you’ll likely set up a temporary homebase and settle into local routines. You’ll find out how easy it is to build very close friendships with other travelers and expats in a very short time, but you will frequently have to say goodbyes. But if you are lucky, the people you meet on the road will be close friends for life though who you will eventually meet again in other parts of the world.

The Problem of Not Being Omnipresent

All this travel and all these close new friends means you will get wrapped up in things. A lot of opportunities will present themselves to you: opportunities for great travel experiences and fun social occasions, new friends will send work your way and want to partner with you on projects, you’ll meet people who’s stories touch you and you’ll want to help and make a difference in the communities you become a part of, albeit short-lived. There are too many opportunities to take advantage of when you meet people at this rate, and you can’t be everywhere at once. But do your best to stay on top of your own entrepreneurial ventures and travel consciously and you’ll get the chance to do some great things you’d never imagined.

The Huge Upside

Creating a business I can operate from nearly anywhere has given me the freedom to choose where I live, when I work, and it has enabled me to travel and invest time in great relationships while working at the same time. Living this lifestyle teaches you that traveling is easier than you think: with a little resourcefulness, the ability to do a proper Google search, and a little effort at making new friends, you’ll be amazed what sort of great experiences you can have for free or very cheap! You will see some incredible things that will change the way you think about the world.

To share a little taste of what the Location Independent Lifestyle is like with others, I’m going to start posting more videos from my adventures. I won’t bore you with the work side, but you’ll get to see some of the fun people I get to meet, great places I get to visit, and cool projects I get to be a part of. Here are a few videos from recent adventures, but stay tuned for more travel videos, and hopefully some insights into the good projects we’re working on at In Search Of Sanuk.

In late March, I took a brief trip with friends Alysia and Carla to the Cambodian capital Phnom Penh and then to Siem Reap to see the ancient temple ruins at Angkor Wat. Watch for sunset at the temple, stunning/eerie photos of the ruins, and watch as we get the special opportunity to witness a Buddhist monk ordination ceremony atop the summit of a steep temple:

In April, I flew home to the US to roadtrip with friends Megan, Sam, Nicole and Carmen to Indio, California to attend my third Coachella Valley Music Festival. Come witness this awesome 3-day concert in the California desert and see folks like Paul McCartney, The Killers, M.I.A., Thievery Corporation, Franz Ferdinand, The Crystal Method, Michael Franti, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs in concert:

Upon my return here to Thailand, I was fortunate to spend some time with Vanessa in Krabi province. We spent a weekend in beautiful Railay Beach, caught up with Alysia and Brooke, made some great traveler friends (James & Dennis) and took our new little buddy Sahat (who lost his family in the tsunami) on a snorkel trip. Watch for cheap accommodation suggestions, a longtail boat ride-along, incredible poi dancing, and feeding monkeys on the beach:

Learn How YOU Can Experience the Rewards of an Adventurous Life

Join my Inner Circle and download my exclusive teleconference call with Cath Duncan, “How to Live Adventurously” instantly!

Read the original article on Thrilling Heroics here: The Challenges and Rewards of Living Adventurously

So as I write this I’m sitting on the beach in Railay Bay, Krabi. My parents came to visit me in Bangkok and I’ve been on a ten-day excursion to the islands in Phuket and Krabi. We are staying on a quiet, isolated beach at West Railay Beach near Ao Nang. It’s about 11PM here, and all that can be heard are the waves gently crashing on the sand and Coldplay playing over the PA system at the nearby “Downtown Railay”—the one late-night bar in this place. The incredible rock formations here remind me of Yosemite National Park, if Yosemite were on the beach. It’s perfect. I shouldn’t have a care in the world.

But somehow I still find myself emotionally hung up on something.

WTF!?

I always find that emotions can really get me in a rut, supplying me with a copious lack of motivation and killing any desire to do work. I came to Thailand nearly three months ago. At that time I was a bit bummed about how my last (albeit short-lived) relationship ended, and frankly part of my motivation for a year of travel was for the escape. I didn’t come to Bangkok with any plans to get involved in another relationship, but for some reason I found myself in one…and then another (both ended rather quickly).

I guess I’m a hopeless romantic! It’s one of the things that annoys me the most about myself: I wish I could just be happy on my own (I love being single, really), but there’s always that desire for romance. You know—always on the lookout for the next future ex-girlfriend!

Anyway, believe it or not, huge cultural and language barriers are NOT a great recipe for a successful relationship! So even though I was trying for escapism when I left for Southeast Asia, here I am carrying around emotional baggage with me instead. You know, when your new girlfriend suddenly stops returning your calls just before Valentine’s Day, it always makes for a great week!

Alright, alright! So what do I do?

So, I dunno how it is for you guys, but for me, whenever I have some emotional baggage—relationship or family bullshit, or some other kind of conflict, I find it hard to concentrate on anything besides the baggage. I just can’t be productive until the unfinished business is finished. And unfortunately this kind of conflict nearly always exists in life.

I think that, while I have tons of great friends out here, and we have a lot of fun times—my life is full of high highs and low lows—overall I’ve been depressed for about a year or so.

I have so much to be thankful for out here, and I genuinely don’t want to come off sounding “woe-is-me,” but I am at a point where I don’t know what to do anymore. My emotional lows have affected this site and they’ve been affecting my business, and it’s definitely well past time for a change. I want to be so much more productive—to do so much more with my life at this point…

So I’m having a little honesty moment and putting my problems out there for all to see. I’m putting it to you:

What do you guys do when you’re carrying around emotional baggage, or your life is filled with distracting “noise”?

• How do you remain productive and stay on top of your work?
• If you run a small business, how do you stay on track?
• How do you get closure in a world that usually offers none?
• What methods are there for re-igniting one’s motivation and creativity?

Here are two great replies I got from some great Twitter friends when I put this question out there a few weeks ago, but please add your own replies below:

Dorie Morgan (@brstngphnx) says:

“I build a little more time for me to process what’s going on. Maybe I get up a little earlier to write or maybe I eat alone.”

Rosy Villa (@rosyblue) replies:

“Go to a dark place, take deep breaths & forget what you can’t change. Then, write a list and try your best to stay with it. ”

Thanks to everyone for the thoughtful support. I’m hoping to make 2009 a really kickass year and get a lot accomplished professionally. I appreciate your help so that I can have the emotional energy to then give back to everyone else in our wonderful community.

Read the original article on Thrilling Heroics here: How Do You Stay Motivated When You Stumble and Fall?