Tag Archive for: relationships

Just a quick message today before I go fire up the grill with my brother-in-law and jump in the pool with my son:

242 years ago, the Second Continental Congress unanimously declared the sovereignty of the thirteen united States of America from the British Empire. The Declaration of Independence, written primarily by Thomas Jefferson, listed colonial grievances against King George III and asserted an individual’s natural rights:

Life, Liberty and the pursuit of Happiness

Today, I believe that no matter where you come from, you and I are entitled to the same natural rights now more than ever.

Though (some) governments certainly serve a few useful purposes (sometimes), bloated bureaucracies tend to prioritize their own survival above your individual freedoms, no matter what the cost.

When it really comes down to brass tacks, it’s up to you to protect yourself, your family, your empire, and your freedom from those who would try to take them away from you. As history has shown many times, nobody else will hold them sacred for you.

There may come times when you will have to FIGHT for your life, FIGHT for your liberty, and certainly you will have to FIGHT for your own happiness.

Freedom is a paradox, because it comes with RESPONSIBILITY. You are responsible for defending your own life when the rubber hits the road, and you are responsible for the consequences of your chosen pursuits.

So while true freedom is the opportunity to make your own choices, living a truly free life REQUIRES taking full responsibility for your choices, your behaviors, and your results.

And if you don’t like your current results — your current reality — there is nobody to blame but yourself.

This can be a hard pill to swallow. Believe me, I understand.

When my business collapsed and my world came crumbling down, I wanted to blame ISIS. I wanted to blame repugnant sex traffickers and martial law in my wife’s home country. I wanted to blame Homeland Security for insisting that we uproot our family and relocate internationally in order to get travel documents. I wanted to blame the partner who betrayed me and cooked the books.

I wanted to blame my mother for getting cancer. I wanted to blame my wife for giving me a child. I almost wanted to blame my son for scratching my cornea during roughhousing and landing me with an eye infection that took me out of commission for a month.

Hell, I even wanted to blame the flesh eating parasites burrowing intolerably slow and painfully through my feet.

I was laying in the fetal position on the tile floor of my 4-bedroom condo in Chiang Mai, Thailand one night cursing God Himself.

But the Truth was that too much avoiding responsibility caught up with me.

It was me — I had made every choice that got me there on that cold hard floor, pulling my hair out, crying and throwing a tantrum like my toddler.

Declare Your Individual Freedom

I used to think that chasing “freedom” meant running away from responsibility.

For 10 years I wanted nothing but more time freedom, more financial independence, and more freedom of location.

And I got it. For almost a decade, I lived in 8 countries across four continents.

I built and experimented with five small companies. We sold two of them.

I dated women from around the globe, and enjoyed all kinds of travel misadventures across at least 35 countries. But I allowed myself to get too comfortable, I let myself become a “victim” of my own success, and bought into the lie of the “four hour work week”, pleasure seeking, fleeing from commitments, and basically drank and smoked away a literal fortune.

In the pursuit of riches, I wrecked my health, and then I carried on abusing my body probably out of sheer self-hatred.

But it was when I realized my real RESPONSIBILITY to show my son a good example, to do my damnedest to be a good role model, to teach him everything the world will neglect to teach him, to be involved in his life and guide him any way I can, that was when my own results began ever so slowly to turn around.

In order to achieve true freedom, YES, you must cultivate an ability to control your money, control your time, and eliminate the mindset that you are subject to any higher authority (at least not here on earth).

But avoiding responsibility, perhaps counterintuitively, will ensure your failure. It will ensure that your health and vitality go down the drain. It will ensure that you create strained, stressed, and broken relationships. It will ensure you create chaos all around you.

You must take RESPONSIBILITY for your Mindset, your Health, your Wealth, and your Relationships.

This Fourth of July, take stock of where you’re at, appreciate what you have, and accept radical responsibility for your current situation. Some things will be great. Others may be a trainwreck.

This is not about guilt or shame. We are all screwups.

For my fellow Americans, be grateful that you ARE the privileged 1% of the world. The USA is an imperfect mess, but it’s one of the safest, most functional places in the world. For my Canadian friends to the north, happy belated Canada Day to you!

Wherever you are, I invite you to accept the challenge to take responsibility for cleaning up whatever areas of your life that are lacking, to realize the necessity for balance in your life, and how your mental health, your fitness, your finances, your spirituality and your connections with people around you are all interconnected.

If you go through life on autopilot, chances are you are going to let at least one of these dimensions of your life completely deteriorate.

So take responsibility to give each of these areas of your life attention, to go through your life consciously, to craft a plan for how you can maintain balance in your life, and always be vigilant looking for opportunities where you can seize MORE responsibility for things around you.

Declare YOUR personal freedom from the mistakes you have made in the past, from your baggage, from your stories, and FIGHT for your life like the men who built America had to.

Declare your freedom from the TYRANNY of victimhood. Choose not to accept the role of “victim” in this life. There is nobody holding you down. Choose to rewrite those negative stories. Trust me.

It is Time for You to Choose FREEDOM, Sovereignty, and Personal Responsibility.

If you are ready to commit yourself to a higher purpose, to double down on yourself, and have accountability, systems, and structure to help you find balance across your Mindset, Health, Wealth, and Relationships, join us as we embark upon a 12-week Dragon-slaying challenge inside the Foundry accelerator this month to turboboost your progress toward your dream goals in Q3.

Normally $333, you can register for one of our remaining 12 lifetime seats in the program today for just $76! Nearly 80% off, in honor of the Founding Fathers (1776).

America homecoming

principle is a concept or value that is a guide for behavior or evaluation. In law, it is a rule that has to be, or usually is to be followed, or can be desirably followed, or is an inevitable consequence of something, such as the laws observed in nature or the way that a system is constructed. The principles of such a system are understood by its users as the essential characteristics of the system, or reflecting system’s designed purpose, and the effective operation or use of which would be impossible if any one of the principles was to be ignored.

In seeking well-organized principles to live by, I’ve not come across a better, more comprehensive example than these shared by Dr. Jordan Peterson, professor of psychology at the University of Toronto (also author of the upcoming book 12 Rules For Life: An Antidote to Chaos).

In response to the question: “What are the most valuable things everyone should know?” These are the forty lessons the good professor had to share. Hard to beat:

  1. Tell the truth.
  2. Do not do things that you hate.
  3. Act so that you can tell the truth about how you act.
  4. Pursue what is meaningful, not what is expedient.
  5. If you have to choose, be the one who does things, instead of the one who is seen to do things.
  6. Pay attention.
  7. Assume that the person you are listening to might know something you need to know. Listen to them hard enough so that they will share it with you.
  8. Plan and work diligently to maintain the romance in your relationships.
  9. Be careful who you share good news with.
  10. Be careful who you share bad news with.
  11. Make at least one thing better every single place you go.
  12. Imagine who you could be, and then aim single-mindedly at that.
  13. Do not allow yourself to become arrogant or resentful.
  14. Try to make one room in your house as beautiful as possible.
  15. Compare yourself to who you were yesterday, not to who someone else is today.
  16. Work as hard as you possibly can on at least one thing and see what happens.
  17. If old memories still make you cry, write them down carefully and completely.
  18. Maintain your connections with people.
  19. Do not carelessly denigrate social institutions or artistic achievement.
  20. Treat yourself as if you were someone that you are responsible for helping.
  21. Ask someone to do you a small favour, so that he or she can ask you to do one in the future.
  22. Make friends with people who want the best for you.
  23. Do not try to rescue someone who does not want to be rescued, and be very careful about rescuing someone who does.
  24. Nothing well done is insignificant.
  25. Set your house in perfect order before you criticize the world.
  26. Dress like the person you want to be.
  27. Be precise in your speech.
  28. Stand up straight with your shoulders back.
  29. Don’t avoid something frightening if it stands in your way — and don’t do unnecessarily dangerous things.
  30. Do not let your children do anything that makes you dislike them.
  31. Do not transform your wife into a maid.
  32. Do not hide unwanted things in the fog.
  33. Notice that opportunity lurks where responsibility has been abdicated.
  34. Read something written by someone great.
  35. Pet a cat when you encounter one on the street.
  36. Do not bother children when they are skateboarding.
  37. Don’t let bullies get away with it.
  38. Write a letter to the government if you see something that needs fixing — and propose a solution.
  39. Remember that what you do not yet know is more important than what you already know.
  40. Be grateful in spite of your suffering.

[original source: Quora]

Isn’t it strange, to live life through just one pair of eyeballs, and to know for a fact, that at the very same time, there are literally billions of other eyeballs having their very own, sometimes wildly unique lives, recording their own crazy experiences simultaneously.

And that’s just taking other people into account. Not to even mention the countless other lifeforms, just on this planet.

And who knows what else lurks out there in the deep reaches of outer space, in the great beyond, the Unknown World…

How important we think we are. Our experiences, our perspective.

And we tend to think other people share the same views on things, or at least that they should. But we forget how myopic others are, just as much as ourselves.

Humans tend to focus on the areas immediately around them — the objects in their immediate surroundings.

Jobs, and screens, don’t help.

There were times in millennia past when men did very little but watch the horizon for enemy tribes, or for predators. And there are still a few men throughout the world today who lead their lives in a similar fashion — seafarers, pilots, herders, hunters, outdoorsmen, certain kinds of nomads.

But most of us spend the vast majority of our hours and days indoors. In cities. Enclosed.

Our eyesight goes early because we spend years of our lives staring at screens or surfaces of one form or another. Our ancestors did not evolve to do the things we do today.

And keep in mind, the modern human brain essentially developed over 50,000 years ago.

For 99.8% of that time, humans were living very different lifestyles — occupying themselves with incredibly different things than we do today.

As I write this, I’m watching the construction men across the road building a magnificent piece of engineering.

construction

These guys (and a few gals, props to ’em) are working now on the seventh floor, out there in the breeze, no ropes, not one safety net that I can see from where I’m sitting.

Some of them have been practicing their craft for so long, they’ll stand right on the edge looking straight down.

And they’re talented.

But I bet you could point a gun at most of them from the next nearest rooftop, and nobody would see it coming. Because of the nature of their work (and this is a somewhat extreme example, I’ll admit) but they are hyper-focused on their immediate surroundings.

It’s not a bad thing. They get excellent work done.

But for a lot of people, it could cost you your life sometimes if you take your eye off your day job.

And most don’t get out enough to fully appreciate the real healing powers of being in our natural environment.

I feel people sometimes lose sight of the fact that we are not well-adapted to live with our technology.

Technology’s great. But we are in fact hard-wired through millions of years of evolution to do very different things than we do in 2017.

And that fact underlies most the problems YOU experience in life — from health issues, injuries, relationship challenges, emotional and mental wellbeing, to your failure to find meaning in your work, poor sexual performance, or struggling with unhappiness.

Even money (as you know it) wasn’t even a thing until the last 1000 years.

So if you’re struggling with that game, don’t worry. So am I. It doesn’t come naturally to anyone.

I have several friends who’ve managed to find a way to make millions, and then lose it all.

I’ve got to imagine that bites. Hard.

But I still respect them. Plus it just shows — we’re all only human.

If you’re struggling with any of these things — your emotional world, your fitness and health, your wealth, your relationships, or otherwise getting what you want out of life — I bet you probably don’t typically think in your day-to-day life that maybe something about how your ancestors evolved had much to do with it.

But just maybe…

***

Once in a while, it’s nice to get out of the city. It’s nice to get out into nature, somewhere you can stretch out and breath. Somewhere you can spend time with the wanderers, the seagoers, the adventurers.

Somewhere far away from your day job. Somewhere you can look out across the open sea, or examine the world from mountaintop.

I even just love sitting here on my balcony every chance I get, watching the world go by. It gives you a different PERSPECTIVE on life, and the world.

But with the increasing harvest season smoke and smog here in Chiang Mai, I’m thinking of getting away from it all, getting a change of perspective and going to immerse myself in the great outdoors, in my preferred natural environment.

It’s been quite a while actually, since I visited my good friends there… sat on my favorite beach listening to the ocean speak, went rock climbing, or sea kayaking, or even just jammed at one of the great reggae bars filled with friendly warm faces.

Heck, last time I took a group of new friends there, we swam with sharks, braved jellyfish stings, we shared unforgettable moments together around a beach bonfire, under an open sky full of stars.

hiking guided tour krabi

If anybody wants to join me soon in my favorite paradise, I’m thinking of making another escape to Krabi, Thailand.

But this is a HEROIC Escape! We always build incredible deep bonds with new friends, push ourselves to grow in challenging but fun ways, and tend to really experience some breakthroughs through a change in perspective, and through more physical, natural challenges than many folks might be used to (at least in their day-to-day life).

I always find it’s a great reset, and I always deepen some pretty valuable new relationships with fascinating people. I’ve even connected some new friends with VC money in the millions, or with publishers, for example, through these wild experiences.

And I’ve been blessed to witness some incredible transformative moments that people have had — simply challenging themselves in weird new ways and sharing a once-in-a-lifetime experience together with other like-minded people.

I spent 2 years living in Ao Nang, Krabi, and developed many amazing friendships and invaluable connections in this very magical place.

If there is a Shangri-La, this is it as far as I’m concerned:

In the 35 countries I’ve traveled so far, I haven’t found a beach I love more than this place.

Let me know — I’m considering taking my Queen and our son for their first time for much of March, and I’m toying with the idea of throwing a little beach festival for my 33rd birthday.

If you’d be interested to join, let me know here.

And keep your eye on the horizon, friends.

Dear friends,

Another lap around the sun comes to a close. 2016 was filled with its share of challenges, but we’re grateful for several opportunities for healing and growth, and lots of quality family time.

McKibben Christmas

My son Chris turned 2 years old in February. Thankfully his Lolo and Lola were able to make a visit to Thailand to be present for his birthday!

parents visit Chiang Mai

We put 4 stamps in Chris’ passport — taking the family to Malaysia, to the Petronas Twin Towers, spending some months in overcrowded Manila, working tirelessly to get travel documents to visit the USA.

Petronas Twin Towers KL

We flew Jam’s mother on her first airplane in her life to meet us in Cebu, Philippines, for a family weekend on the beach.

family beach holiday

After 3 attempts we finally secured Jam’s US visa, and we spent 3 months in America, giving Chris the chance to finally meet his sick Grandma and the extended family for the first time! We had many fun adventures and got to spend lots of time with my mother, helping her through some intense cancer treatment in Arizona over the summer.

meeting Grandma

cancer treatment center

Chris went to classes at a local school in Sacramento for a few months, and fell in love with another young Filipino-American 3-year-old Thea Rosa! 🙂

California summer

McKibben Tahoe trip

We had a nice family holiday in Lake Tahoe with Great Grandma and Auntie Jaime. We roadtripped down the Pacific Coast Highway from Santa Cruz to Santa Barbara, through Hollywood and across the Palm Desert, past Joshua Tree National Park, and into Arizona, just outside of Phoenix to be with Mom during her major surgery.

breast cancer surgery

cancer ward

Mom’s spirits remained high through many months of difficult trials. She recently completed treatment and is finally back in the comfort of home. My sister told me on Christmas Day (and I just confirmed with Mom on the phone Wednesday) the doctors say they can’t find any trace of cancerous cells from the scans!

DSC00671

Thanks to many of you for your warm support and invaluable help during our lengthy struggle to get travel documents and get the family back home to support Mom.

grandma and grandson

family portrait

Now we’re back home in Asia, settling down and making our home in Chiang Mai, Thailand. I’ve spent 2016 straightening out an injured spine, getting off pain pills and going 100% natural, I did a mountain of inner work, and I’ve just done my second 30-day meditation challenge.

On the Work Front:

Currently I’m working like I haven’t done in years. My book concept is coming along slowly (tentatively called Chasing the Sun), and in 2017, I’m hoping to team up with my good friend Dwight Turner and his organization Courageous Kitchen to finally launch my dream project!

I call it The HERO Project — iterating an exciting new learning framework with our supporters, based around Joseph Campbell’s perennial “Hero’s Journey” monomyth. It’s an early-stage conceptual educational model that I want to develop into online courses, homeschooling curricula, and maybe one day a brick-and-mortar school here in Thailand.

We’ll aim to provide free skills training and experimental educational programs to empower underprivileged children and young adults in Bangkok with entrepreneurial skills, while we also develop a practical online personal development & learning platform with a fun, interesting storytelling style for our supporters. You can read more and support the project here.

I’m also excited for our upcoming Nomad Summit here in Chiang Mai on February 4th! Last year was an incredible event with 230 enthusiastic attendees, and this time around promises to be twice as impactful! Hope to see one or two of you for a visit to sunny Thailand! 🙂

I’ll continue writing here at Thrilling Heroics about all these developments and more in 2017, and sharing the behind-the-scenes journey with Hero Project patrons!

I pray for great opportunities in the New Year for YOU to chase your biggest, wildest dreams! We wish you a very happy holiday season and a prosperous, transformative 2017!

Wherever you are in the world, we hope you’re happy and thriving! Thank you for your love and continued support ️❤️

-Cody, Jam Milcah, and Christopher (from Thailand with love)

happy nomad family